Greyhound Bus #71784 - A One Way Ticket to an Existential Crisis

It’s been over a week – this is the longest I have gone without writing and I am so apologetic. This week has been craaaaazy!

Many of you have been asking about the Greyhound existential crisis, so we’ll delve into that today – I think my crisis was something that we all face, and I am curious for your thoughts.

My sister is performing as Marvel Ann in a production of Psycho Beach Party in Boston right now (thanks for the shout-out in the program, Kristina!), and this Sunday is the birthday of my dearest, most darlingest friend of all, Kerry, so I have been spending some quality time up in the Boston/Maine area.

Whenever I go home, I face the same fundamental dilemma – what do I want? What is important to me? And where will I find the greatest sense of fulfillment and satisfaction?

New York City is expensive – it’s tough to live in. There is a reason why Frank says “if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.” I have found in the small amount of time that I have been in New York City that we all come to the Big Apple for a reason.

Within each of us transplants is a specific kind of dream we aspire to accomplish – a kind of success that is not really possible anywhere else in the world. Why else it would we put up with the high rents, crowded subways, and heat and smell of this God forsaken island?

We dream of Tonys, Pulitzers, our name in lights… Nowhere else in the world can one really find that sense of promise and opportunity than in New York. That’s certainly why I am here and “live the so-called dream” on a limited budget every month.

But when I head up to Boston or the coast of New England, I am reminded of an easier time in my life when I had more money in the bank, drove a nice car and bought expensive designer clothing as if it were no bigger deal than buying a packet of Orbitz gum.

Were I to move to Boston, it would be a cheaper lifestyle…rent would be a little bit cheaper…my monthly yoga pass would be a little bit cheaper…travel costs to visit my parents would be muuuuch cheaper…laundry would be cheaper…all of these little things would add up – allowing for a much cheaper and, subsequently, nicer lifestyle.

I could get a job with the Huntington Theatre Company or WGBH to fulfill my creative needs. I could have what my friend Richard calls a “better quality of life,” outside of New York.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right?

I lived in Boston, I lived in Maine and was happy, BUT…there was an itch, a desire to go somewhere big and be someone BIG. That itch, those lofty dreams won’t disappear if I make a return to New England. And an expensive new sweater or joy ride in my parents’ new Volvo can only soften the disappointment so much.

These are the thoughts that consistently run through my head on the four-hour bus ride between New York and Boston. What is it about a Greyhound bus coasting along route 84 in Connecticut that awakens this existential crisis in me?

Bottom line: I am too young, too idealistic and too hopeful to abandon the New York dream yet. I still have stars in my eyes, and need to keep heading down the path with the hopes of finding awards, fame, and glory along the way.

But! God life sure as hell is difficult doing the struggling New York thing, especially when you think about that cheaper apartment in Boston with stainless steel appliances.

Okay, I really want everyone’s thoughts on this; so let me know what you think about the ever-important existential crisis! Until next time, om, chanti, chanti, chanti, namaste.

P.S. I am leaving you with a youtube clip of singularly the funniest thing I have ever seen in, maybe, my entire history on this planet! Enjoy!